It feels like there is never enough money for everything, right?
I am guessing that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett don't read my blog, so I think it is a pretty safe assumption that most of y'all at some time or another are with me on this:
I wish we had more money.
Lately, I've been especially petulant about our seeming lack of money. Aaron is passionate about the Dave Ramsey cash envelope system, which means that the cash goes in the envelope at the beginning of the month, and the cash is all there is. Theoretically. :) I am slightly less passionate about Dave Ramsey and his little system. Can you tell?
Right now, the envelope says I can't buy
-more cloth diapers to replace some hand-me-downs
-a camera since I lost ours, and Aaron's phone camera is with him at work during the day
-some cute JCrew spring clothes
-a plane ticket to see a friend who is moving overseas in the fall
And you know what? It makes me mad! Late last night, I was fumbling through replacing the elastic on some of the old cloth diapers, and it was going pretty well, and I wasn't feeling as resentful that I couldn't just buy new ones...and then I CUT THE NEW ELASTIC THAT I HAD ALREADY REPLACED BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS WORKING ON THE OTHER (UNREPLACED) SIDE.
You can guess how I felt in that moment about our cash envelopes and Dave Ramsey. I was ready to run out of the house with my debit card and empty the Walmart shelves of their Huggies inventory.
Then there are the big things we're saving for, which is why we have the envelope system in the first place. Those things feel so very big compared to what we are able to add to savings each month, and I stew over how we'll never be able to afford a bigger car or visit my sister ever again.
It's not a fun place to live, this dollars and cents state of mind in which bitterness and anger freely ferment.
This morning, I spent some time asking the Lord to change me. I read an excerpt from one of Corrie Ten Boom's books in which she notes that "the realm of the wisdom of the wise is in conflict with the kingdom of God's foolishness. Man's wisdom is found by sense knowledge - feeling, seeing, reasoning - but faith knowledge is in the greater dimension of God's foolishness."
There is no doubt that I have been viewing our money through the lens of the world. The world would say that I need all the things on my list, that I am entitled to them, that I should spend all my waking hours thinking about money and how to get more, because what else is there in this life but the comfort and pleasure and status that money can buy? But the Lord, He says crazy things to that.
"Your house full of stuff? In one minute, a fire or a thief can destroy all of it. Invest in the treasure of heaven." (Matthew 6:20-21)
"What good would it be for you to have all the diapers, all the clothes, all the trips, all the savings and not Me?" (Mark 8:36)
"I, not your bank account, will supply all your needs." (Philippians 4:19)
"Stop loving money! Look around you and be blessed with what you have, for I am always with you. I'm not leaving." (Hebrews 13:5)
The wisdom of God is that we don't need anything else but Him. Now that really sounds bonkers. It is total and utter foolishness to the world.
But that is where I yearn to live. Not here, with my Scrooge spectacles on, ledger in hand and purse clutched tight. But there, where He has promised to provide, and more than that, He has promised to never leave me, to never forsake me.
"There is always more than enough of You."