It's raining today, a light drizzle, but I am glad for it because it's not snow. It's warm enough again to have the windows cracked, and the screens seem to pull in all that is fresh and lush and full of hope. Aaron is asleep on the couch, Les Miserables on his lap. (He's almost 3/4 through the unabridged version!) Magsters, aka Maggie Moo, aka Schmuppy is asleep on her cushion. It's our day off. The sacred Wednesdays are about to abort - we only have one left after this, and then our K-Life rhythm is done. We'll find a new day to rest, but I am a little sad to see Wednesdays go.
So much change up ahead. Uncertainty. Open doors, shut doors. Second-guessing. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
God has been drawing my heart to Him in such graciousness. Aaron found out last week that he didn't get a much hoped for job - you probably guessed as much from the last post. We were crushed for several days. Our good God allows us to cry out to Him from those places of anguish and doubt. And now He is gathering our hearts in close, teaching us once again to love the Giver more than the gift.
I'm realizing that how I respond in this situation is setting the standard for how I will respond in other life crises - and I'm sure there will be plenty more if I live a long life. If I have banked everything on this Jesus, if I have set down the stake that He is all that I have, then how I respond to hard stuff matters. Not to say that we aren't allowed to grieve or question. I think we are. I think He holds us in those days, weeks, years. But for me, in this place in this story, the nudge has come. It's time to proclaim His goodness and trust His faithfulness.
And sometimes it is good to realize that the worst case scenario is really not the worst. We dove to the bottom this morning as we lounged in bed and talked. Say Aaron gets a job that pays hourly, and we are, by the middle-class standards of our milieu, poor. We will still have money for rent, food, insurance, utilities, and gas. We will be rich in love - our baby is coming; my sister and her family are moving in with us for three months in the fall; we are near to my parents and not that far from Aaron's. And when you compare our annual income to that of most of the world, we will still likely be earning 20 times more. That is humbling to consider.
He has been so good to us. Materially, emotionally, relationally, He has truly given us everything we need for life and godliness. That is nothing to scoff at. His goodness goes even further: when my heart is stiff and cold, He bends it, shapes it, stirs up dying embers, and He gives me a desire for Him. To know Him, to love Him, to run hard toward Him.
Amen and amen.