Thursday, December 6, 2012

Settling in

I am home.

Deep breath.

By car, by plane, by subway.  Aaron met me in Chicago, and we took two days to lose ourselves in the big city.  An Amtrak train ride and a ride southwest on interstate, and I was back in our little town with the wide sky.  A month gone, and nothing seemed altered.  But the changes come slowly.

I sat in the comfy chair this morning, favored Anthropologie mug perched full of hot coffee on the arm, and I took it all in.  Our Christmas tree is bought and screwed into stand, waiting to be decked.   Christmas cards are written and stamped.  I am ready to dive back into life, ready to rejoin the lives of those I love here.

Yet the thought of my precious people in Turkey makes me cry on command.  I love those four.  In the rooms of my heart, they occupy more than the usual place.  I must have told Abby and Drew a hundred times while I was there, "You are my favorite girl" and "You are my favorite boy".  We need to be reminded we're someone's favorite, you know?  One day I said, "What am I going to do when I have kids?"  Abby replied without a moment's delay.  "Oh we will still be your favorites."  Her confidence is better built than I thought.

Bittersweet life.  It will be so until the end, I suspect.  I read in 1 Peter this morning.  I needed to hear the truth of who I am again.  A pilgrim, a traveler.  The ache in my heart at not having all my loved ones near to gather in close, the thrill of travel and the comfort of returning to familiar, the sorrow as I flip the World Vision Christmas catalog and herald the greed of my own heart again...these things are all evidence.  I live here, but there is something more.  There is Home with a capital H, where all that is right and good aligns in walls of a city with no sun but more than enough Light.

I love this song.  Give it a listen.  It's my anthem for today.

No comments:

Post a Comment