Monday, October 22, 2012

Who is this that you are making me?

In two weeks, I'm traveling to the country where my sister and her family live.  I get to nanny my niece and nephew as my sister and her husband transition to a new phase in their jobs.  If you've been around here for a while, you know how much I love those little rascals.  Here, here, and here is some proof in case you're new.  :)

I'm so stinkin' excited.

But you know what?  I'm also so stinkin' afraid.

When I was in India five years ago, fear became a battle that fought daily.  Crippling fear.  I don't know the clinical definition of panic attacks, but I think I had them in India.  I was caught in a riot toward the end of my time there, and after that, I was afraid to go out in the city, afraid to ride the bus, afraid to work at the orphanage, afraid to be anywhere alone.  When I flew home, I was alone, and even now, five years later, I remember the fear that clutched my chest, snaked down my arm, and followed me all the long flight.

Since my time in India, the Lord has done a lot of work against the stronghold of fear within me.  There are certain triggers, though, that cause fear to rise up again.  The biggest one seems to be traveling alone.  I hate driving by myself, even to the nearby "big city", a short 30 minutes south.  I also hate flying by myself.  This will be the first international flight I've had to go solo on since my return from India.

In September, I went with my Mom to a Beth Moore simulcast.  Beth shared about her own struggle against fear and anxiety and how she had gone to the Word faithfully to refute it.  One day, she realized the fear was gone.  "Who is this that you are making me?"  she had asked God.  I want to be able to say that too!  To look at places where I cannot imagine a difference, and to see that God has wrought freedom!  So it's Word time.  It's go time.

This is where the Lord took me today:

"As Pharoah approached, the Israelites looked up...they were terrified and cried out the Lord.  They said to Moses, 'Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?  It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"  -Exodus 14:10-12

Fear keeps us in a restricted land.

"Moses answered the people, 'Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring for you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. " (14:13-14)

Fear blinds us to what God is doing.

"Then the Lord said to Moses, 'Why are you crying out to me?  Tell the Israelites to move on..." (14:15)

The people did not have to secure their deliverance, but they did have to do something -- they had to move.  Active obedience on their part preceded radical deliverance on God's part.

As I think about my trip, part of me wants to stay here in my town.  Fear doesn't often come knocking here, because life is pretty much controllable.  (At least it appears to be.)  But you know what I want more than an okay existence in Egypt?  I want to watch God win the battle against fear in my life!

So I'm moving.  Moving toward him through His Word, moving toward Him when I get on that plane in two weeks.

Our God, He specializes in radical deliverance.  Bless the Lord, O my soul.

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