Tuesday, January 31, 2012

robbing today to fatten tomorrow

If you don't love your life now, you never will.

It was a God-thought. Do you know the kind? A phrase or notion drops into your mind, unexpected. You haven't been thinking along those lines, but there it is. And you know it's from God.

I was walking home from work yesterday. It's been an un-winter in Missouri, and the weather has been hitting the fifties nearly every day. Good for walking. Bad for dreaming of snowdrifts and cozy fires. I don't remember the exact train of thought I was riding, but I think it was chugging along somewhere through Colorado and maybe our trip to Europe and perhaps a wistful desire to have a quiet night with a movie and a blanket.

If you don't love your life now, you never will.

The rest of the way, I couldn't out-walk that truth. Really, it's just a rephrasing of what Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11-12. Love my life now? Love my sister being hundreds of miles away? Love a lifestyle that makes an introvert shudder? Love a part-time job that pays minimum wage? Love having no close heart friends in the same town?



It's a theme in my life lately, this ideal of contentment and the flail I put up against it. I write a lot about it in various forms. But I cannot escape it. And I am so glad.

I'm convinced I've only skimmed the first couple inches of this deep, deep lake. I'm desperate to go deeper. It's okay that it's a process. Paul called it a secret. You gotta search for a secret.

Can I love my life here and now? Can I? In this particular time and space point, in the exact physical circumstance that I wake to, can I learn to love?

I cannot live a life in which the real point in always yet to come.

I want to be here, ready to love.

1 comment:

  1. You got a message from heaven.