Wednesday, January 18, 2012

peace

Wouldn't it be great if this was reality all the time?

Peace is frustratingly elusive. Am I the only one that feels that way? From what I read on other's blogs and hear from friends' hearts, it's seems I'm not. Our lives are hectic. Whatever it is you carry, I know it is heavy. Whatever is it that keeps you racing, I know it is non-stop.

My hamster wheel? An ambitious New Year schedule to stay on top of house-cleaning, grocery-shopping, and cooking, waitressing 25 hours a week, meeting with college and high school girls 3-4 times a week, people in our house for dinner or games 4-5 times a week, K-life events, trying to maintain relationship with people I love that live far away, and serving my husband and letting him know that he's important to me.

Phew. Sometimes it feels better just to type it out.

A lot of the time I feel exhausted. Often, I feel misunderstood and under-appreciated. Frequently, I feel daunted that we are committed to ministry for another year and a half. And I continually struggle to keep peace in my heart.

But the God I love is the Prince of Peace, and the life He promises is one of victory, and He speaks an offer of rest and hands out a light yoke. Why, then, does all of that seem like a fairy tale some days?

Tuesday, I stood in front of the washer, pulling heavy, wet clothes out. The thought came, "Nothing is so urgent that it should steal your peace." I whispered it out loud, and my eyes wet. Yes. Yes. YES.

I'm fighting back against the tyranny of the urgent.

It's time to kick some roommates out so Peace can move in.

What does that look like practically?

- I'm limiting time on the Internet. Mindless blog-hopping has become a real habit for me. I want to take my life back from the Internet! I find that the amount of time I spend browsing around online directly relates to the amount of insecurity, discontent, greed, and unrest I battle.

- I'm asking the Lord what His expectations are and releasing my own. So much of my anxiety comes from failing to exceed stupid goals I set for myself. My home does not look like a Pottery Barn catalog, my meals are sometimes a little insipid, and sometimes I say things that are really awkward or thoughtless. It's okay. It. really. is. okay. Jesus wants me to be conformed to His image, not the image of Martha Stewart or the Pioneer Woman or Mother Teresa. I need to let go of standards that only serve to increase my pride and self-sufficiency.

That's all I have so far. Two things is a start, y'all. Oh, and this. A quote from Amy Carmichael that I have written on my kitchen window with black dry-erase marker. Yes, I am that classy.

(Forgive me if I've already blogged this quote. I can't remember.)

His thoughts said, "If only things continued in a regular order I would find it much easier to maintain a restful spirit, but as it is, there is no continuance in anything, ever."

His Father said, "Think it not strange if it be so. Thou hast here no continuing city; thou art seeking one to come. These changes are merely the landscape of thy life as thou travelest to the City which hath foundations. But thy journey may be restful; if thou art inwardly at rest nothing outward can disturb thee. Peace always under all conditions--that is my word for thee. Do not let it slip. So not drift away from it. Hold it fast; for it is not a vain thing for thee, because it is thy life."

Oh Jesus. Would that You would show us today the things that make for peace.

1 comment:

  1. I love how blogging allows us to sometimes "see" into others lives in a way that gives us fresh perspective on our own. I find myself sometimes feeling bogged down with the lack of relational engagements and ministry options in my life right now. Your description of the busy pace you have excites me because my ministry time consumption is of a very different sphere as a mother of young children. I look so fondly on what you note as "4-5 nights of fellowship and games", but know in my heart of hearts we are all trying to see the greener grass on the other side of the fence. I guess my reasoning and thoughts for this comment really are to say, "thank you." It is good to see that even those I see as "free" to do what I think of as "what they like whenever they like" have similar feelings and struggles as my own. We can all so easily get caught up in keeping up. And it is only when we recognize the need to live with an eternal perspective, do we find a purpose and peace in what we do.

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