It begins with a 10 cent package of half-used Jiffy pots. A treasure of last fall's garage sale season. I toss them on a corner shelf in our shed, and they sit in the coldness of winter.
In February, I buy seeds at Wal-mart. The cheap packs are priced at a dollar and don't come in waterproof foil packages. Spinach, tomatoes, zucchini, squash, and eggplant. I feel reckless and buy some flower seeds. Columbine, delphinium, johnny jump up, and forget-me-not. At the self-checkout lane, I discover tiny, papery seed envelopes do not register on the scale. I can't enjoy self-checkout for reasons just as this, but I always think next time will be different. I scan, bag, and the machine voice scolds me. Repeat. And again. The man on duty comes over to help. "Buying seeds, early, eh?" he says. I try to be gracious. "Trying to get a head start, I guess."
Last Sunday, I plant the seeds that take longer than a week to germinate. They are tucked in peat pots now and covered with Saran-Wrap, and they sit dark and damp on the bottom shelf of my pantry.
Today, I sit in front of God and I think of all the cares still in my heart, though the grace given me tells me to cast them at His feet.
Our numbers are down...we've lost contact with certain kids...how do we show God's love to T. when our lives are so different than hers...are we being effective...are we hindering or helping the spread of the Gospel here...I am tired of being hospitable...there
is not enough time...oh and my energy has evaporated.
I open the chronological Bible plan. Psalms today.
"The seas have lifted up, O Lord,
the seas have lifted up their voice,
the seas have lifted up their pounding waves."
I feel the pounding waves on my heart. Life is pounding, and for whatever reason, this is the month where it seems all four great oceans of Earth have lifted up their breakers against me, and I am nearly drowned.
But the Great Spirit of God gently taps, and He hands an image through mind's door. Those seeds, silent and still in the kitchen. They will germinate in the right conditions. I bought the organic seed starter soil mix. I put them in a place that is warm. I spritzed the surface of each pot with just enough water.
In the right atmosphere, any seed can grow.
I am germinating worry and fear and a general sense of "overwhelmedness". The pounding waves begin with small seeds, and my soul is the pot in which their life begins. Do the conditions of my heart germinate life, peace, joy, truth, and hope? Or do they germinate worry, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, and discontent?
Water with truth, the Spirit urges me today. Water with the Word.
Psalm 93:3 is not the watering word today. There is another:
"Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
mightier than the breakers of the sea--
the Lord on high is mighty." (vs. 4)
The Lord on high is mighty.
That seed is the one I will plant in furrows all up and down my heart.