Wednesday, November 7, 2007

the jet plane doesn't leave yet

Here is what I need you to pray:

That in these next five weeks, I will remain fully here. My days are getting fuller and fuller the longer I stay here, which is a good thing. Fuller days mean more to do,. I have less time to project myself into the future. (I also have less time to process through writing, so my apologies if my blogging takes a sorry swerve south...)

I get so excited thinking about going home! I get excited thinking about my mom's Christmas music resounding through our house. About waking up to coffee. About holding my adorable niece. (We're talking Gap Baby model here.) About taking my little bro to Sonic to talk about his last year of high school and how he is feeling about going to college.

If I can be honest with you, I love what I do in Kolkata, but I don't love Kolkata. I often feel scared, alone, and lost here. I am learning to cling to transcendent truth above my immediate feelings, but it is a slow learning. This makes it easy to look forward to home as some shining city of light on the horizon, the place where all my hopes and dreams will come to completion. This is not true. Some days, I think it is true. :)

So please, friends, pray that my heart will be open and soft. That I will find joy in the daily work of this India life. That I will say with Paul, "I have learned the secret of contentment...in any possible physical location on earth."

And in the meantime, I love:
-reading stories to my kids in funny voices
-holding tiny babies I meet on the street
-seeing the girls in the red-light recognize hope and reach out to embrace it
-sitting in the chapel at the Mother House

Thanks, friends, for all your love.

3 comments:

  1. Lara, I decided to just sit down and read through each and every one of your blogs yesterday. It stirred up so many thoughts and emotions that have not surfaced for a while. Though India and Kibera are very different, I can at least partially relate to so much of what you are saying. I have always loved your writing, but wow, your writing is art! You create not only vivid images but also emotions. The Holy Spirit must be in your words. I love you dear friend! I LOVE learning from you--with you! I am praying, dear. I know how lonely it can be. You are doing the right thing to enjoy all of the little moments you have. The end will soon draw near, and during your last couple of weeks there will be no average, normal day because you will be saying goodbyes and preparing to leave! Enjoy the each of these daily living moments as you have them. You are so precious, Lara! I love you!

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  2. Lara, I've never been to India, but I've been where you are. I still visit there more than I like. I've been many places OCONUS and CONUS (you gotta learn that military lingo). What I've learned is what you already know now. Too much time is spent on things that we can do little or nothing about. We regret things done in the past, and fret about being prepared for the future. I still slip into that mode at this AARP age (I really dislike their junk mail, I ain't joining). We serve a Holy God in an existential sense. No, I don't mean what Camus or Sarte espoused. They wanted the transcendent, but got stuck gazing at belly button lint. I mean existential in the sense of living today in obedience for His Glory. When I do that, He opens up so much to me. I pray that I do it more frequently. I pray for you young one that you can live the remainder of your time there in faith to Him, knowing that he has many wonderful blessings after December, and that He will reveal it when you need to know it. I ask you to pray the same thing for me.

    Uncle Dave

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lara, I've never been to India, but I've been where you are. I still visit there more than I like. I've been many places OCONUS and CONUS (you gotta learn that military lingo). What I've learned is what you already know now. Too much time is spent on things that we can do little or nothing about. We regret things done in the past, and fret about being prepared for the future. I still slip into that mode at this AARP age (I really dislike their junk mail, I ain't joining). We serve a Holy God in an existential sense. No, I don't mean what Camus or Sarte espoused. They wanted the transcendent, but got stuck gazing at belly button lint. I mean existential in the sense of living today in obedience for His Glory. When I do that, He opens up so much to me. I pray that I do it more frequently. I pray for you young one that you can live the remainder of your time there in faith to Him, knowing that he has many wonderful blessings after December, and that He will reveal it when you need to know it. I ask you to pray the same thing for me.

    Uncle Dave

    ReplyDelete